Our Thoughts on Justin Bieber’s Bodily Functions

Everyone has always tried to tell us that celebrities are just people, but we never really believed them…until Justin Bieber came around. Yes, just like the rest of us, Bieber puts his pants on one leg at a time – and he also cries, pukes, and shits, evidently. At this point, we’ve witnessed so many of Justin Bieber’s bodily functions that we’re beginning to feel like Selena Gomez. Let’s review some of the times we’ve seen blood, sweat, and vomit project from this girl-man:


He peed in a mop bucket. It was recently reported that the singer emptied his bladder into a bucket that a custodian was using to clean. Upon relieving himself, he and an equally moronic friend proceeded to giggle and skip off. Now, considering our alternative toilet choices in the past, we’re not ones to judge anyone else. But then again, we’re nobodies, so it doesn’t matter. Justin Bieber makes millions of dollars, and should only piss in golden toilets for the rest of his life.


He puked onstage. In case you missed it, or just want to be completely repulsed, check out this live performance of Bieber daintily upchucking in front of thousands of tween girls. So. Dreamy.


He performed at the Billboard Music Awards. Wait, we’re being told that his performance wasn’t a huge load of shit. It sure looked like it, with all of the half-assed choreography and obvious lip syncing. Even though he managed to keep his bodily functions at bay throughout the entire performance, we’re still going to classify this as strike three. Bad Bieber!

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